Dear ASSFACE,

You’re not broken.

You’re just tired.

Tired of trying to hold everything together.

Tired of working all the time, cleaning nonstop.

Tired of doing all the things for everyone else.

Tired of pretending wine is self-care and protein bars are dinner.

Tired of the scale. Tired of your pants.

Tired of being tired.

Let me be blunt.

You’ve been eating like crap. And it’s not helping.

Maybe you’re skipping meals, bingeing snacks, drinking caffeine to stay awake and wine to calm down. Perhaps you’re googling “quick weight loss” at midnight while finishing your kid’s cold fries. You tell yourself, “you’ll do better tomorrow.” But then life happens—and you don’t.

That’s not failure. That’s survival mode.

But here’s the thing:

You deserve better than just surviving.

You deserve to feel good.

To wake up with energy.

To stop obsessing over food while secretly feeling like crap about it.

To take care of your body without losing your mind.

That’s what the ASSFACE Diet is.

It’s not a trend.

It’s not a juice cleanse.

And it's certainly not “starve until you’re skinny.”

It’s Added. Sugar. Sucks. Fruits and veggies. Also contain. Carbs. Eat those.

It’s eating like someone who gives a damn about their future self.

No shame. No gimmicks. Just a system that works because it’s based on actual logic.

You don’t need a reset. You need a reality check.

And that’s what I’m asking you to give yourself, with love.

So, if you’re reading this and thinking,

“Yeah… I’ve kinda let myself go.”

Or

“I feel stuck. Nothing works. I don’t even know where to start.”

Start here.

Start by not lying to yourself.

Start by eating real food again.

Start by saying, “Hey, ASSFACE—let’s fix this.”

Because deep down, you know the truth:

You’re not lazy. You’re not weak. You’re just worn out.

And you’re finally ready to do something real about it.

Signed,

The ASSFACE Diet Fam