Brown vs White bread: Why Whole Grains and Brown Rice Beat the Crap Out of White Bread and Processed Junk

Let’s talk carbs. But let’s do it the ASSFACE way—simple, logical, and without a side of BS.

You’ve probably heard a million times that carbs are “bad,” but that’s not quite the full story. Carbs aren’t the enemy, added sugar is, and highly processed garbage is. But real, whole carbs? Your body knows what to do with those.

So let’s break it down—why brown rice and whole grain bread get somewhat of a green light on the ASSFACE Diet, while white bread, white rice, snack cakes, and other processed carb bombs… why do they get the boot?

Brown vs White Bread: The Processing Problem

When talking about brown vs white bread, we know whole grain is better, but why?

When grains are processed into white rice or white bread, the outer parts of the grain—the bran and the germ—are stripped away. That’s where the fiber, vitamins, and minerals live. What’s left is a starchy, nutrient-poor filler that spikes your blood sugar fast and leaves you hungry an hour later.

It’s like taking a dollar bill, removing the value, and handing you a receipt for what you could have had.

On the flip side, brown rice and 100% whole grain breads keep the parts that matter. That means:

• More fiber (hello, full belly and healthy digestion)

• More nutrients (like B vitamins, iron, and magnesium)

• Less blood sugar drama (no crash in 30 minutes)

Snack Cakes, Chips, and Fake Foods? That's a heck nope.

Let’s be real—those “foods” aren’t whole foods. They’re edible science projects designed to be addictive--loaded with added sugar, refined flour, weird oils, and preservatives your body doesn’t recognize.

On the ASSFACE Diet, we’re not saying you need to go live in a cave and forage for berries. But you do need to stop eating like a jackass and start eating like someone who gives a crap about their health.

Swap the snack cakes for real fruit. Swap the chips for roasted chickpeas or almonds. I promise, after a few weeks of adjusting, you won’t miss the crash, the bloat, or the brain fog.

What to Look For Instead

If you want to enjoy bread or rice, just pick better options. Here’s how to do it the ASSFACE way:

• Bread: Look for “100% whole grain” or “sprouted grain” on the label. Avoid anything that says “enriched” or has more than a couple grams of sugar per slice.

• Rice: Choose brown rice, wild rice, or quinoa. Skip white rice, flavored rice packets, or rice blends with long ingredient lists.

• Snacks: Think raw nuts, hummus and veggie sticks, fruit with plain Greek yogurt, or air-popped popcorn with olive oil and sea salt.

Bottom Line

Whole grains and brown rice aren’t just less bad—they’re actually pretty good for you. They’ve got nutrients your body craves, they don’t spike your insulin like a rollercoaster, and they help you feel full and satisfied.

On the ASSFACE Diet, we keep it simple:

• Added. Sugar. Sucks. Fruits and veggies. Also contain. Carbs. Eat those!

• And when you want grains, choose the ones that still resemble food—not the ones pretending to be cake.

Your body will thank you. Your energy will thank you. And yep—your ass will thank you, too.